Ending and Beginning

Lanikai Beach: Where Heaven Meets the Sea

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I was a bit weepy before I flew to Hawaii last Saturday. Tears appeared at unexpected times and places. This trip marks the end of my sabbatical and in some ways that makes me sad. So there I was, crying about going to Hawaii. Please.

But I'm starting to see that there's another cause for the tears: gratitude for the people around me. Whenever I try to express my gratefulness to people who have made this time apart possible, I get choked up. It happened when I thanked the organizers of the Contemplative Outreach of Hawaii prayer retreat I went to earlier this week. It happens when I write postcards to people at United Church of Chapel Hill who've worked hard to manage my areas of ministry. It happens when I think about my husband taking care of the kids and keeping up with his extraordinary range of professional responsibilities all the while. A friend of mine told me her husband would let her go to Hawaii by herself for a week, "but he'd be gritting his teeth the whole time." Steve hasn't done that--quite the opposite.

Then there's The Louisville Institute who funded this experience. The friends I've spent time with. The teachers and guides I've had. The list goes on and on.

And I have developed a deeper, broader gratitude for God than I've ever known. I cry when I think about that, too.  As is my frequent habit, I began this sabbatical with more trust in my own plans than in God's grace and guidance and wonder. But I think I've finally begun to give God a little more credit. And more room. And more thanks. I hope.


Yes, this trip marks an ending. But it also marks a beginning.